sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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