he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
