mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
