youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
