dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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