i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
