We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
