I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
