I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
