wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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