Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
