had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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