I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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