I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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