So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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