I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
honey bunches of taint.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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