On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
