i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
