that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
