My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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