ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
