is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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