i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
