I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
