She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
