Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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