Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
