I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Boobs speak an international language.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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