I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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