Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
