I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
