I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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