I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
