***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
