I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im six kinds of drunk right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
