I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
