Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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