At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
