this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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