Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Randomize
