Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
