I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i think i just lost a toe
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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