Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
