So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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