i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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