I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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