Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
