Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
