Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
