I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
