Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had to coat check the pizza.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
